Feelings, Emotions, Conditions, and Dynamics in Family Systems

The Nature of Emotions, Feelings, and States

• What are emotions, feelings, and states?
• How do they differ, and what impact do they have on human behavior, physical condition, and relationships?
• Through systematic work, we discover that many of our current emotional states are not solely personal but may be part of a larger narrative—a family tragedy, events overshadowed by the past, or the pain of someone’s exclusion.

Primary and Secondary Feelings and Emotions

Often, the visible emotion does not reflect the true internal experience. Secondary emotions, such as blame, anger, or victimhood, can mask deeper, primary feelings like grief, longing, fear, or love. Systemic work helps distinguish between these layers and reach deeper, to where the real movement occurs.

Working with Complex Situations and Clients

• What if a client’s emotions seem intense or inauthentic?
• What if contact is lost?
• What if the emotion does not resolve but cycles repeatedly?
• We will learn how phenomenological presence and inner attunement create a space where complex emotions can find meaning and movement.

General Dynamics of Family Systems

Every person belongs to their own system, and every member of a system carries invisible loyalties, roles, and burdens. We will explore systemic dynamics, including:

• Connections with the excluded refer to invisible loyalties to individuals forgotten, shamed, condemned, or rejected by the family. Examples include children who died prematurely, suicides, prisoners, or the family of an ex-partner. Often, a later-generation family member carries their feelings or fate.
• Replacements and identifications describe situations where a child or descendant subconsciously assumes the role of another family member, such as a grandparent, a deceased sibling, or an absent parent. This can lead to identity disorders, relationship confusion, and emotional states not originating from the individual.
• Living in the past: A systemic dynamic in which a person is psychologically tied to past losses or traumas and is unable to fully live in the present. This can manifest as sadness, depression, hopelessness, or an inability to form meaningful connections with others.
• Confusion of parent and child roles: Occurs when a child becomes a parent’s emotional support, “partner,” caregiver, or even a parent’s “parent.” This creates deep internal conflict and guilt, potentially affecting future intimate relationships and parenthood.
• Guilt and “redemptive” behavior: Systemic guilt experienced by a person for no apparent reason. Guilt can arise from surviving, succeeding, or experiencing happiness when family members have faced loss, suffering, or deprivation. This may lead to subconscious self-sabotage.
• Systemic injustice, such as tragic inequalities (e.g., war, victims of violence, betrayal), can lead later generations to assume roles of victim or perpetrator, often without personal experience.
• Connection to hidden grief and loss: If there have been unexpressed or unmourned family losses (e.g., a child, partner, home, land), these can manifest in later generations as inexplicable sadness, longing, or feelings of detachment.
• Impact of verbal and emotional taboos: Undiscussed topics can become psychologically overwhelming. Children may perceive this silence as “saying too much” and internalize unexpressed emotions.
• Unresolved parental relationships: A child’s well-being is significantly influenced by their parents’ relationship dynamics. If conflict, resentment, or secret love exists between them, the child may sacrifice their freedom to maintain balance.
• Issues of belonging and identity: A person who feels disconnected from their system may experience chronic alienation, manifesting as loneliness, distraction, or relationship avoidance.
• Internal prohibitions on life and success: Subconscious messages within the system, such as “Don’t live better than us,” “Success brings pain,” or “Joy is not safe,” can create invisible boundaries that impede creativity, freedom, emotional clarity, and presence.
• Complexities of Love: Love can be expressed through suffering, silence, control, or codependency. We explore which forms of love have been accepted and forbidden within the family system.

We will examine how these patterns relate to the formation of our emotions and life choices.

Opportunities for Restoring Balance

• How can a systemic view support the restoration of emotional freedom and inner clarity?
• What natural movements can bring the system back to the flow of life
• Through the practice of presence, contemplation, representation, and body awareness, we can experience how even deeply rooted states can change.